The Book of Ashes

Catch up 3:04AM

Friday was notible for its power cut, just a quick flick off then on again, disrupting my otherwise quite unproductive day.

I had my first work drinks in ages. Then a group of us headed out to Coyotes for a few more drinks. I was resolved not to have more than about 3-4 drinks, but it was hard. Everyone was offering to buy me drinks and giving me shaker shots (see disturbances for photos). I ended up having about 6 or 7 drinks by the end of the night. Lots more than I had anticipated but not enough to get me in any way drunk. After Coyotes the girls dragged us along to Sante Fe Gold where there was meant to be a mens review (or something like that with guys up on the stage instead of chicks). It turned out this wasn't on, luckily, but we got in for free since it was so early and just watched the rugby and played pool (no chicks were up on stage, except for Kelly, hehe). We played pool against this guy and I had three balls lined up in an arc pointing towards a hole. I said to everyone in general, if I can hit the white onto ball1 onto ball2 onto ball3 and get ball3 into the hole what will you give me? The guy said he'd buy me a drink and Damian said he'd give me a blow job. Now I wasn't so sure if I wanted to sink that ball anymore, but I don't like not to try and managed to get it in, infact I was playing pretty well in general that night. I declined the drink from the guy (as I'd had enough already) and declined Damians offer as well. It was good to make him realise the rashness of his bet, but I could in no way take advantage of that one. So after that we went to Zibbibo's. I managed to spill a chocolate martini on Kate and then later knocked Damian's one so that it splashed over him as well. Man that makes you feel really stink. These things happen to me every once in a while in life though. There's quite often the situation where things just don't work out. Its cool though cause I just smile now at lifes little jokes on me, I've gotten over being too embarrassed about things like this. So anyway after that I excused myself and headed home. The girls wanted me to come out for a dance but I wanted to go movies instead. So I had just got home and Fi and Daniel walked up. We went to the Embassy and watched Moulin Rouge again which was cool. I so wish I could sing like that. It is a good movie. I found a dollar on the way home. It was the shinest dollar ever. We got home and I did a little walking on our roof, if I could sing or was confident enough I would have but I was not. So I hung around and talked to Daniel and Fi for ages then just Fi as Daniel started to sleep. Got home around 3am, did the dishes, listened to ""The show must go on"" by Queen and played guitar and sang a little then went to bed around 4. All in all it was a great night. I realised a few things that night

The feeling of ""ashful"". 3:18AM

So back to the day at work. I had a feeling today which is hard to describe but I will try. It is the desire of wanting to hold somebody in your arms and hug them for as long as you can. It is almost like a lonely feeling, except you are not sad at all, but rather content and happy with things, its just that you want to hold someone. I get this feeling every once and a while which is not bad considering I am single and should be crying out for someone else. I don't know if there is a better word for this or not, but if there is I don't know it so I will make one up which will describe it perfectly for me. It is the feeling I call ashful. So on Friday I was feeling a little ashful.

Now for a few admissions. The book that work gave me to read, ""True Professionalism"" that I dissed a while back and which I am reading now, is actually quite insightful and makes a lot of sense. I apologise to my work for saying it was a suck thing to give us, even though I wouldn't usually have the time to read this kind of thing, it is a good thing to give us from their perspective. Also the other day I said I might conceivably run out of things to write about here by Christmas, hence making these entries shorter. I may have lied. At the moment I am thinking up one or two topics per day to write about each which could go on for months, combining this with stories from my past and insights about life and everyday events, I don't think I will run out of stuff, especially since as backup I have the imagination which can probably generate 10 billion different and interesting paragraphs to write about. Sorry but you're going to be stuck with my babbling for years to come

I'm a wuss at doing things... they just don't happen. 3:54AM

Another admission - when I said a while back that events were electrifing and coming to a head I probably should have added the word potentailly. There has been the potential there for a few months now and it keeps building up. I am just too much of a wuss to set off the key reactions that will send me down a different path, one of no return. Now continuosly talking of the future you may wonder, does this guy actually believe he can predict the future. To this I reply, I have a technique for predicting the future that is very simple and very aggresive but that not a lot of people actually know about or practise.

""I simply state how the future will be, and then I make it happen.""

This is predicting the future. A long time ago now I predicted that I would create my own company and take over the world (in a good way). I have since created my own company and am now working on the taking over the world bit. It is not beyond me, I will try my hardest to make my prediction come true. It is impossible to see into the future in any other way, those that say they can will do worse than those that make their own futures