The Book of Ashes

Things are coming to a head! 2:21AM

Things are coming to a head again. Everything is set up as good as I could wish for it to be and now its just a matter of going through with it all. I am scared. Very, very scared. Some things may work out, others not. I can only hope for the best. I have had the most unbelievable weekend. Hanging out with my family, Thomas and mum. Hanging out with friends. Doing things I don't usually do. Thomas has left now to stay with my auntie. He is still job searching. I am still a bum. Living off my own money but I am now running out. I will need a job very soon. Working on that one as well.

Today it rains. The first bad day we've had in weeks. Wellington has been good to us. Dan has gone to Auckland for the weekend to catch up with Mel & Tim who were just down here. Currently the house is empty till he returns, sometime tonight I believe.

A pair of cute little birds are hopping about in the bush outside my window as I write. I think they are robins but am not sure. Maybe they are lovers. They are very cute.

To Tim & Mel. It was awesome to catch up with you guys. It is definitly my turn to come up there now. Just allow me to find a job first.

To Kate & Kate (the one who hasn't written for a while). How you guys doin? Hope all is well. I am looking forward to catching up and meeting you guys when you come over this July (is it?). Should be fun. Much fun indeed. Hopefully I have some money by then else I won't be that much fun :)

To the world in general. May all be well with you. I am sorry to say I don't have much advice to give except that life is not the perfect dream you once imagined it to be and you generally have to suffer in order to appreciate and gain. General interpretation of that... Good things will come eventually.

Now Dan has pointed out that I don't have much in here thats prophetic or awe inspiring and really I don't have that much in my head to give but instead I feel a little melencholy speach about society is in order..

The evil that is society... 2:31AM

Have you ever sat back and taken a good look at society? By society I mean the workforce, that giant beehive of organisation and purpose that doesn't really achieve much except suck away our lives. How many lives are wasted filling out meaningless paper work which will be thrown away and forgotten 5 years down the track?

I have taken the step back. For two months and counting now I have been out of the loop. Right now I sit, in my warm and cosy house, on the edge of the CBD looking out my window at all the buildings. They hold little appeal to me any more. The longer I am off work the more its memories fade from my mind and the less desire I have to ever go back. I wish to sit in the sun, watch movies with friends, go on road trips to new places or sit writing on the computer. Why do I need to work? The workforce is one giant life sucking entity, distracting us from what is important. I can see it now, hoving over the CBD, enticing people in, to earn money, to further themselves, when in reality they are giving up more and more of their own time and energy. There must be a better way. Ok so I'm rambling on. I know WHY we have to work, I know WHY it all must be this way. It is because we know of no better way and without it, everything falls apart. I will endeavour to stay out of the loop. I shall make my money by myself, without getting sucked into the business world. It shall be something I enjoy doing so that I am no longer working, but rather enjoying a favourite past time. I shall go forth as an example of how it is done. The price I have paid to learn this lesson has been costly. Sometimes we must learn the hard way

A couple of quotes... 5:37AM

I've been finding, on average, a 5c piece a day. I forget to write them all up though. Now I quote for you...

""What is this feeling inside of me that feels like a million little people with shovels, hollowing me out?""

- The Book of Ashes [17.09.01]

and another...

""What is this force, powerful beyond conception, that forces mine face so that it will not and cannot stop grinning? Inside it feels funny. I can only describe it as a million little grins all trying to get out at once.""

- The Book of Ashes [09.06.02]