The Book of Ashes

Wasted on the Lindauer brings the enlightened state of hung-overness... 11:50AM

Wow, fifth in the list. I haven't written for a while. Lots been going on in my mind, and then on Saturday, not a lot was happening there at all as I recovered...

Friday was rocking but I over did it. Drinking a bottle of Lindauer pretty much to myself before going out to the Malthouse where they had at least 4 more bottles didn't help me much. I need to learn some self control. As usual the photos (thank you FujiFilm) helped me piece together my story along with snippets from friends. Apparently I tried to get into Diva at least 3 times. I vaguely remember this, luckily I am not a bad drunk and don't make trouble. Looks like it was a good night all round though. Next day was a different story though...

Next morning Dan came into my room with the phone. I was mamothly hung over, he spotted instantly the hole in the wall where I had knocked my weights over and they had put a palm sized hole in the wall. We pulled the weights out (bench press for those that don't know) and mucho plaster with it. Oh dear, Sifty has offered to help repair it though. Unfortunetly I was sick. I don't remember eating the night before but I did get to see it all the next morning including olives which I don't usually like. Then I was sick again, then again, then once more. After I finally managed to get up and walk about and get some fresh air, I had a bit of cleaning up to do.

Something interesting to note. Monks spend years teaching mind exercises to be able to concentrate on one thought, object or process. This can also be achieved by almost killing yourself with alcohol and working through the proceeding hangover. As I lay there in bed it hurt to think. So I didn't, not much anyway. My usually hyperactive brain was mostly shut down, not thinking about a career, or girls or what I was doing that day or whether my heart was still beating or not, I just let those things be. The interesting thing though is that I kept getting flashes of vivid imagry. I could close my eyes and picture friends or places much clearer than usual. I think I have written about this once before, ages ago. I would explain it as having large parts of your ""socialising"" part of the brain shutting down due to the ""it hurts to think"" syndrome and focus placed on the underlying, fundamental parts of the brain, eg imagry. It is said that this is one of our most important senses. We could see, way before we learnt to talk (as a species). Stats give roughly 5% of children as having photographic memories which drops off to half this or less in adulthood. Before we learn to speak the visual part of the brain is the most important, a hidden, deep down level of subconcious processing. Achieving the perfect level of hung-overness can reach this state of enlightenment :)

So anyway Dan & Katrina were also hung over, but not as much as I. This made me feel a little better but still I had trouble concentrating on talking to them. I went for a walk around Oriental parade by myself to clear my head. This was really good for me and I actually realised that my thoughts sped up as I picked up. I was thinking slower cause it hurt so much when hung over. Did you realise it was possible to think slower? It sure is. Interesting huh? Now I know what its like to be a moron, well actually I experience small bouts of that everyday but anyway...

Reality is just a thought in our heads... 12:04PM

So I have finally done it, put titles to all my diary entries, all six fucking hundred of them. Took a while, but once done, near need doing again.

Sunday was recovery day with a big kick arse roast to restore all those lost vitamins and to fatten me up a little for winter.

Do you ever get that feeling sometimes that you don't believe in anything any more? You look at a pot plant and wonder if it really is made up of atoms, if it really would fall to the floor and smash to a thousand pieces if you pushed it? How acurate are these rules in my memory anyway? How can I trust them? They've been there for ages, who says they're valid anymore? Questioning reality is healthy, believing otherwise is not.

I finished George Orwell's ""Nineteen Eighty-Four"" (2nd book on my list of the top 100 read books this century). It is written in 1930ish and speaks of the year 1984 as a different kind of future where even your thoughts are controlled. The good guys don't win, reality is re-written for them and the interesting thing that he brings up is that if everyone believes that the world is flat then isn't it? What is reality but thoughts in our head? If humanity doesn't exist then neither does our definition of it. Nothing exists without us believing in it for our definition of existing is for a human to notice it and define it. If we all believe one thing then that is reality. What if an alien came to us and told us that orange was really blue? We would say well too bad we call it orange, thats what it is. We all believe it so its true. What is real Neo and what is not?

Happy Birthday to Amy who was 22 on this day. I went out to lunch with her and her friends for a good catch up. She is finishing her job this Wednesday then going on to another, funily enough she gave me a call to look up a photo number for her and I couldn't find it but gave her this other one instead which is where she got the job from. She will be working on Oriental Parade at a cool place. Hopefully that works out for her. BUT! she has 3 weeks off inbetween so is keen for a bit of a ski. I am also keen for this but need to find time. Where does all the time go? Einstein

Doing stuff, Dan locked in the bathroom. 12:15PM

Monday was a rushing around doing things buzz. I had been told of a place that gave quotes on TV repairs for $10 out in the hut so drove out there to get my TV thats been broken for months and months looked at. Doesn't matter much as we have Dan's mamoth vision silver beauty to bath us in its brilliant warm glow each night but still one of those things that needs doing. Went round sussing out photo prices and frame prices. May have sussed a local place to print digital photos at cheaper prices. Pretty cool. Went for my first 5km run in ages. Only made it 2.5 km before my chest hurt from the cold. Half ran, walked back. Was good for me though. Last night was TV for me and Dan, That 70s show and Scrubs. Tonight is movies with Martin, also Thomas arives soon for a job interview. The rest of the week I'll tell as it goes.

Thought for the day. I need to do something with my life. I wrote a list of things to do like fix TV, find stickers, etc... in there somewhere is sort out a career. Fucker that one.

This morning I was awoken by Dan calling out my name. After about 3 calls I got up thinking he had locked himself out of the house and wanted his keys. But it was not the front door, it was the bathroom. The lock had jammed on locked and he couldn't unlock it. We fiddled with it for a while, me still half asleep, then dismantled it to find it still stuck. I finally managed to pull the little bit back with some screw drivers to let him out. He was ready to break the door to get out. Caged animal syndrome... So after my rude awakening I felt like shit with a crappy head ache. I decided to hop back into bed but just before I did my alarm went off. Shit, early physio today. I lay there for 15 and recovered then had a shower and went to physio. Physio was good.

Oh yeah, cool site Damian, I like. Good to see you're posting again Tim, looking forward to seeing you come down on Friday. Will be here to pick you up. Too much on in Welly this week to go skiing although I would so despretly love to go it will have to wait till next week.

Finally signing out, Ash.

PS I just wrote 6000 odd words, could write a book just as easily methinks..