The Book of Ashes

The Fart Injection 1:43AM

Heres a little invention of my own though, its called the fart-injection. You will be sitting on a couch when a power fart just forces its way out. This is very similar to a power chuck. You aren't given much warning and it just errupts, flying straight out in a line of gas. Now if you're sitting on a couch this line of gas will be injected into the cushion you're sitting on and quite often if it was powerful enough, it will pretty much contain the fart in the cushion. This is cool. I did this once then got up and was cooking tea. A while later my last flatmate, Tammy, came along and lay down on the couch to watch TV. She put her head down on the cushion, exactly where I had farted then said, woa!, Ashley did you fart here? Hehehe, I cracked up laughing and she hasn't laid down on the couch since

Of poo stories... 1:43AM

I've just had my second healthy lunch (sandwhichs) for this week. I like this. I've also been doing lots of exercise, yesterday and today. Will go for a rollerblade soon.

Yesterday I brought a whole lot of tuperware containers for the fridge. They will be excellent to store little bits of food in, rather than having tins go all yuck round the edges and the like. I also brought a universal remote for the TV. It cost $69 which is more than the TV did, but it controls both the TV and the video and it can change the TV to AV mode which means I can look at my camera pictures through it on TV and movies and I could plug in a DVD player if I had one. Coolness.

We went out for our development curry and it was all good. Had a few wines but I thought development was going to pay for it and was a little shocked when we had to pay. Nevermind. The we went and played some pool and I was doing really well till on my third game I sunk the black. I must play more pool.

So I got home and went next door to get rid of some of my chocolate chipie buscuits as when you're sitting round at home there is this huge erge to snack all the time. Amy & her friend Vanessa were there and Fi was in her room on the phone so we sat round and told each other poo stories and most embarrassing moments. Vanessa had a good one but I don't think she'd like me to tell it here. I can't really tell any of the poo stories either else I'd get whipped by some of the people whos stories they are. I'll just say one as everybody who knows this guy knows this one. This is about a dude who was pissed, as you are sometimes, wondering about the streets, probably inbetween pubs, who decided to try and jump a parking meter, now I hear you say, Oh no! I see where this is going, yes he tried to jump it and the exhersion was so much he shat himself. Hmmmm, you probably didn't want to hear that one, hope you're not eating lunch right now. Hehehe, theres also the thing of how its kind of embarrassing when other people can hear you making toilet noises, ok fine, this is a natural thing but I don't like others to hear me going plop, plop when I'm going for a shit. Its kinda private. Now in our house, Gerry's room is right next to the bathroom and she hears everything that goes on in there. So its usually ok unless I need to go toilet when shes in bed. In this situation I'm a little concious of the noise I'm making, I walk in quietly, sit down on the seat, and the crappy cheap plastic thing creaks every time you shift your weight around. Bring back the good old (cold) porcelin ones, nah well maybe something harder but made of a modern material. Anyway you're going for a shit and you're trying to release it slowly, letting it kinda of hang down into the water so that theres no splash and no noise, kinda like the olympic divers when they do a perfect dive and theres hardly a ripple on the surface, then the bastard decides to break in two and head out by himself, does a belly flop splashing your arse with cold water and is quickly followed by a couple of smaller follow up plop plops. How embarrassing. And then theres those curry night farts, not just a normal fart, cause they're ok, they just rip and you're proud of those ones but the ones that aren't consistant and kind of come and go making funny noises, whadya do about those ones? Anyway I was happy to conclude from our conversation that it seems I don't stink the bathroom out very often, that I have never shat my pants, and that I'm pretty well behaved all in all.

Sorry, server went down. 11:57AM

Sorry the server went down this morning and with me not working and trying not to type too much I haven't had time to write anything here. Will catch up tonight, but let me just say this, the Gods have bestowed upon us a glorious day today, and in thanks I shall rollerblade in their honour in this sun. Also I have poo stories, a lot of, but probably can't talk about many of those. Talk later..