The Book of Ashes

Thomas's birthday and fireworks in Wellington. 1:51AM

I should be sleeping right now but instead I'm in the mood to write. Infact I just wrote a whole lot up here then absentmindedly click on the disturbances area to check out the photos. Fuck! lost everything I had written. Anyway...

So my high from the last diary entry didn't last long, infact that night I didn't get to sleep till something stupid like 9am or 10am the next morning. Then I was awoken by a txt from Tom asking me to do lunch. He didn't want to wait an hour while I woke up properly so I chucked some clothes on and headed down town to catch up with Tom & Crispy. My metabolism hadn't turned on properly yet so I didn't buy any food. I started to feel hungry about the time they were going back to work so I brought a massive roast beef sandwhich (with everything in it) and headed down to Civic Square to eat. On the way I thought I'd check out Huge Wrights going under sale to look for a tie for Bryths birthday. I ran into him crossing the road and instead we went to Civic square for a catch up and lunch.

I've lost the motivation to write what I was going to write here.

Today I went to dairy across the road and looked at the chippies. I noticed that no one came out to the counter as they usually do. I made my selection and turned to the counter to see the tiniest, cutest little India boy there was. He had to stand on a stood to reach the counter but damn he was good. He took my money worked out the right change and was very polite. He was very cute! I was impressed though, he looked all of 5 years old.

So anyway I discoverd it was guy fawkes tonight at around 5:30 when Dan came home. I gave Martin a call and ended up going round to his place for a few beers (Martin now lives up the end of my street) then down to the harbour to watch the fireworks display. It was incredibly windy (trust Wellington) and just a little cold. We grabbed a seat at the water front near fryberg pool and sat down to an awesome display. I loved it. If you could picture me you'd see me sitting on a wall of rocks jutting out into the sea, with my arms over my legs and my head tilted back staring up at the sky with a childlike innocence on my face and a look of wonder at the amazing lights. Glittering flowers exploded from the sky and sparkling glow worms withered across my vision. The smoke given off by the display that usually forms a huge plume and slowly drifts off, hooned past us at top speed. There was no smoke residual this time. Due to the high winds the big fire works that were let off over the other side of the harbour grew over us and some almost landed on the ground around us. It was pretty cool looking up into them. Afterwards I was happy. We went back to Martins for a few more beers then I came home to catch up with Dan. He had been downloading the windows speech SDK (software development kit) and had been investigating building his own speakers. We read about a guy who was a compulsive speaker builder (yeah weird huh) among other stuff. I got motivated about the speech SDK as I always wanted to write a program that could read out text in my voice (and possibly be customized to any voice). So now I sit up typing. Tomorrow I go down south once again.

Huh! On the way back home I saw a sign at the wine store on my street reading Guy Fox specials... good one

Emotions 2:06AM

Emotions are like a favourite sweatshirt. It fits fine to begin with but once you stress it say by pulling your knees up under it then it stretches and is never quite the same. In fact it will still fit over you but it remembers that stretch and can get back to that state again easier...

The emotional rollercoaster is a great anology. You get on the highs then head straight down into the lows on the other side. It is hard to level the rollercoaster out to lower the amplitude of the emotional waveform so to speak.

It all comes down to a matter of perspective. It all comes down to what you're thinking about in your mind, happy thoughts or sad ones. You get into a habit of thinking of the sad thoughts all the time and then it gets you down. If you can notice when you begin thinking sad thoughts and then start with the good thoughts then you can combat the perspective change. It is interesting to note that you don't want to do anything when depressed, not even those things you used to like. Dan commented a while back on me not being interested in graphics or programming any more. I said I still was but realised I hadn't been. Now I progam again. Now I am interested again and every day a little bit more.

You can get side tracked in life. You can worry about money or girls or anything else but when it comes down to it it is your friends that count. Your good friends who always hang out with you and talk to you and look after you when you're on the main street at midnight and spewing your guts out. Think about it and you'll know its true. Why else would they hang out with someone like you? Its because they care about you, a lot, even if it seems they take you for granted. Most people are just too scared to tell you how they feel.

Ok so that all sounds a little mushy and crap but I'm going to leave it there. It came out all squished up like it is and theres no unsquishing it now. I think I sound a bit like a guy at my old work who always sends round those ""feel good"" emails that make you wanna be sick. On top of that he writes his emails in that kind of style. I don't want to be like that, I wanna kill puppies sometimes. I wanna see their eyes glaze over at their last moment of conciousness, just as they realise that you've killed them and theres no way back.

Night all!

PS I didn't mean that. I was just negating all the mushy stuff

Bev and Jo are engaged! 12:35PM

Got a rude awakening at 10:30ish this morning from Bevan telling me that he and Jo were engaged! Congratulations dude that is very cool